The Marvelous Patric

dear blog,

This is a real post, unlike the last too politically-themed posts. In today's post, I'm going to actually talk about me.

Last saturday, my mom accidentally ran over my cat, Buffy. Mom felt really bad. I came home and she started to cry. She had already buried my kitty. I feel bad too, but in a way, it's like it isn't real because I wasn't there and I never saw her body. Buffy was a good cat, but afraid of everything. She never did get along with Dexter, but she liked Dixie. I feel bad, almost like I failed her. I don't know how things would have been different if I had been there. She died instantly.

A black stray cat has had kittens somewhere in or around one of my barns. There's a part of me that wants to go find a kitten and bring it in, similarly to how I got Buffy ten years ago. Another part of me realizes that isn't a good idea. I guess that's the adult part.

My mouse Ginny escaped. For the first few days, I tried to catch her, but failed. I would see her running around, but was never able to catch her. Then, her cage mate, Janis, died. I suspect she died of loneliness, as mice sometimes do. I haven't seen Ginny for a few days and think she is probably dead too. I now have no mice left.

I apparently shocked all my facebook friends the other day when I updated my relationship status to "in a relationship." It hasn't been quite a month, but it felt like it was time. I've been seeing quite a bit of the girl. I've been told by several people "don't screw it up." I'm doing my best, but I make no promises.

In my head, it's like there's this weird trade off. I traded a cat and two mice for one girlfriend. That isn't to say she is only worth one cat and two mice, but my screwed-up brain says that there has to be a balance of loss and gain, of happiness and sadness. I know this isn't true, that there isn't a cosmic scale somewhere, striving to be even. But still, I can't help but wonder why good things can't just happen, or bad things just happen, instead of good things happening at inappropriate times so that I feel happy when I should only feel sad.